Winter Fantasies
by Zaya
Summary: FemaleZero oneshot. Kouya finds herself alone in the middle of the night, trying to find the line between dream and reality. Rough copy, will be edited later.


**This is a rough copy of a FemaleZero oneshot I wrote for a friend. It will be edited and probably lengthened later, but it's alright for now I guess.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Loveless.**

Perfect. It was a word that was never used in its true sense, being drug down to a lower level to suit the purpose of those who needed a word beyond 'good'. This moment, however, there was no other way to describe it. It was, in every sense of those two syllables, perfection.

Tugging at the fleece blanket wrapped around her body, Kouya gazed out at the winter wonderland that the yard had become in just a few short hours. The moon shone in all its glory, the pale light reflecting on the smooth surface and casting an ethereal effect over it all. It hypnotized the fighter, putting her under the fear that if she blinked, it would all disappear.

Not just the snow, but the perfection of it. The happiness that she had found in the last few months. If she so much as closed her eyes, everything she had come to know would vanish and she would wake-up in her old bed in her old house with nothing for her but her past life. A life she was working to forget.

Pale fingers clutched at the blanket, checking to see if it was really there, or if it was a figment of her imagination. Kouya had never indulged in fantasies, preferring to keep her feet on the ground and not let herself be pushed up by hopes only to have them disappear from under her, leaving her to fall back to harsh reality. But this… _If this is a dream,_ she thought, _don't let me wake-up._

What… what if it was a dream, though? By keeping herself in this bubble of pretend, would she only make it all the more painful to be reeled back in to reality? She bit her lip anxiously, looking down at the ground. The cement was cold beneath her feet, and the wind nipped at her nose and pinched her cheeks. That could be a figment of her imagination. She'd had dreams where she felt things before. What made this so different?

Her eyes lingered on the pavement that had been sheltered by the awning over the small porch. The snow started less than an inch away from her toes. She rocked back on her heels and flexed her toes, pondering over whether she should step away from her small island or not. To do so would bring about immense cold, but the snow would be soft under her feet. Then again, her eyes rose to appraise the smooth, untouched surface, it would mar the beautiful setting before her. The trees, which were bare of leaves, were glazed in the powder and sparkled in the light offered by the moon above. The ground was like water, shimmering in the glow and giving the impression that is was moving. Like it was alive with an untapped energy that made it so entrancing.

Kouya shook her head, willing the fantasy thoughts from her mind. Never had she allowed herself such childish things. It had always been about the sacrifice. Always!

Now, there was no sacrifice.

Her face fell and she looked to the ground once again. The snow was steadily closing in on her. She stepped back, her body hitting the wall behind her. Support was granted, and she leaned into it 

willingly, ready to just slide down and let it all go. Drift back to reality and leave this in the back of her mind with the rest of her unfulfilled dreams.

Nothing was this great. There was no happiness that lasted so long. That was so… _perfect._

That word again. How did it manage to creep into everything, describe her life? When had it become 'perfect'?

"When we met."

Her eyes snapped open and zoned in on the source of the voice. It was petite, blond, in pajamas, and smiling.

Kouya blushed, the blanket being secured once again around her shoulders as her eyes roamed back to the yard. "I… I didn't realize I was speaking aloud," she mumbled as an excuse. Even after so much time together, Yamato could force a reaction from the fighter without even trying.

"You do that sometimes, you know." Yamato's smile grew fractionally, and her eyes softened. "You know, the bed gets cold when you leave." She rubbed her exposed arms, trying to get some friction going. When the fleece blanket was extended toward her, she gladly accepted it, moving beside her partner and wrapping her arms around the small waist. The warmth flooded through her as the cover closed back around them, and she sighed contentedly, her breath coming out in a puff of white.

They stood there in silence for a while, both freezing and cramped on the porch, missing the heat supplied by the furnace inside, but not wanting to leave this moment in the past; abandon it to their memories only. Moments like these were precious, and they needed them. They were what kept them going, gave them the strength to face a new day.

In the past, and in the present.

Kouya's hand rose to cover the other girl's, squeezing it tightly. "Yamato?" she whispered, the name coming out in a desperate plea for… something. She wasn't sure what.

The blond turned to look at her lover, the smile still in place, but gentle now. A reminder that she wasn't going anywhere. "Yeah, Kouya?"

"I don't want to leave this all behind yet." Her grasp on the other's hand tightened, and her gaze never left the serene world in front of her.

Somehow, without even looking at Kouya's face, Yamato knew exactly what it was she wanted. Not missing a beat, she nodded, clutching at the hand that held her own. "You don't have to," she said softly.

Kouya only nodded in response. The breath she hadn't realized she was holding all came out in a big rush, crystallizing in her face before dissolving away. Even something as fleeting as that had a place in this moment.

A chaste kiss on her cheek brought her focus back and she turned her head to look at Yamato. "Come on. Let's go back to bed."

The protests that she had been building up in her head fell from her lips. With a few simple words, Yamato banished all the worries that had been building up inside Kouya, and for the first time that night, she was at peace with herself.

"I won't let this disappear just yet."

_Maybe one day this will be real…_

Allowing herself to be pulled back into the apartment they shared, Kouya blinked, feeling something on her eyelash. A second later, it seemed to be gone, replaced by something wet.

A snowflake. But just as quickly as it had appeared, it had left. Much like the moment. Kouya smiled.

_Or perhaps it already is._

**07/28/08- For Miko**


End file.
